Am I doing the right thing? V2, Part1 of 2

All of us who are in the position to influence younger generations are sometimes faced with the question, "Am I doing the right thing?"

Should I let my infant "cry it out" tonight? Am I using the right kind of discipline with my toddler? Am I being too strict or too lenient in my expectations? Should I let them do this thing that they want to do? Were my consequences too little or too great? Should I let them do this alone? Should I try this strategy for behavior modification? Should I allow them to pick their friend group? Should they wear this clothing or do this with their hair? Should we try therapy or medication for this ailment? Should I believe everything the doctors are telling me? Should I let this happen? Should I let them do this? Should I..? Should I...? Should I...?

We are all constantly trying to walk what often appears to be a very fine line. Regardless of the age(s) of the young people we influence, we want to keep them safe and provide the structure and consistency vital for their success. While at the same time, we realize they require, and most times desire, some level of independence and freedom to continue to learn and evolve. It is a very difficult balance to maintain. How much is too much one way or the other? On one hand, we smother them with protection and assistance, becoming the helicopter or dictator; they don't learn to do anything for themselves, lack self-confidence, and become delayed socially. On the other hand, we allow too much freedom and not enough guidance or support, becoming an absent parent; they don't feel loved and supported and make some terrible choices with potentially devastating results. These are almost two extremes, so we know that "what is right" is somewhere in the middle. But where?

Sometimes we just don't know if we are doing the right thing or making the best decision for this younger person or group of people. I have almost 30 years' experience in public education at various levels, 20 years' experience in parenting three children, and a lifetime of experience with my larger family, but I am still often faced with this question as I do my best to prepare my kids for the future. There are days I feel my head spinning as I try to figure out where that line is, what should I do with this child in this situation given our circumstances.

Over the years, I have asked myself this question so many times, it seems ridiculous. I am aware that in asking the question, continually analyzing and reflecting, and being open to other ideas, makes me a better parent, educator and leader; it is more likely that I am making the right decision because I contemplate it so often. But it is exhausting at times, to just not know for sure. I know MANY other parents, educators, social workers, counselors, doctors, and anyone else who advocates for young people are faced with the same dilemma: What is the right thing to do? At times, it feels absolutely illusive.

That's why I started this blog, first and foremost to learn, but also to provide a safe forum for others to share and learn. I hope to provide some validation to each of us as well.