COVID 19 & Teenagers

What conversations about current world events are appropriate and necessary for us to have with our teenagers?

I think it is imperative that we have open and honest conversations with our teenagers about what is going on the in the world today. There is a lot of information flying through

cyberspace, and our electronically-addicted teenagers are being flooded and overwhelmed by it. From where do we want them to get their information and what information do we want them to have? We must give them a safe outlet and a way to ground themselves. Having a conversation with our teenagers about COVID 19 is not only healthy and appropriate, it's essential. This is our duty as parents and care givers, in fact it is one of our most important ones.

Outline of a Basic Conversation

• Facts First. What do you think is going on in the world right now? Clarify facts as much as possible, better yet, search for facts together. Be sure quality and up to date news sources are used but ensure accuracy and transparency.

• Initial Thoughts. Is it scary? Are you worried? Admit that it is scary, and at the same time we could be overreacting, although that argument loses steam every day. Admit that we're a little worried too. Discuss possible scenarios, be open-minded, and allow them to share what they think could happen.

Best case scenario: A vaccine is discovered tomorrow; everyone receives it in very short order, and the threat is virtually eradicated.

Worst case scenario: Absolute bedlam I guess, scary to consider, extreme mortality rate, loss of electricity, water, law & order...stuff from the movies I guess. Emphasize the unlikelihood of the worst care scenario occurring, while also recognizing that it is equally unlikely that the absolute best case scenario occur. Similar to a bell curve, extremes are on both narrow ends, the bulk lies somewhere in the middle.

Everything possible in between: "What if..." situations, let them brainstorm. This is where it can get a little outrageous or silly, but so laughter is generated, certainly not a bad thing.

• Family Response. Discuss how the family would respond in various situations, going as in depth as appropriate. While critics would say that this dialogue will only make them more worried, I disagree. It may for a moment, but it also gives them an outlet to express their feelings and fears, builds kinship in that you are feeling the same thing, and gives them confidence that the family will persevere together. Similar to a support group where people facing similar thoughts, emotions, or feelings discuss them openly in a safe environment. It is healthy to consider the future and possible responses to it. It's reassuring to have a plan, even a rudimentary one.

• Emotions. Allow or even encourage the expression of all emotions. Anger, fear, sadness, defensive behaviors or verbal attacks could surface during this conversation. As parents, we must remain patient. As hard as it is not to get frustrated and angry ourselves, that behavior only escalates the negative outburst. It is imperative that we allow others to work through emotions too. Sometimes they just need to vent, to get it out helps to process and work through the emotion of something. Remember our teenagers are still trying to navigate the cest pool of hormones surging through them right now, to adjust to almost no social life or sports, to learn online or from their parents, to deal with being cooped up all day; now they're faced with emotional triggers in the world news too? We have to be a safe place for them to vent, express emotions, and process them without judgement, reprimand, or over scrutiny.

• Most immediately. What can teenagers do to help right now? In essence, be their best selves. Be patient as we all adjust to social distancing; be understanding as limitations on our lives increase; help to conserve resources; show kindness and generosity to others; be a positive force on social media, and make wise decisions in regards to personal health. To reference the, "Corona v. Humanity" blog post:

It is our duty to our nation and fellow citizens that we:

1. Practice diligent and responsible use of social distancing to protect ourselves as well as others,
   

2. Contribute to efforts to support local health care facilities,
   

3. Demonstrate responsible and gracious use of resources, and
   

4. Give thanks for our families, friends, delivery personnel, and first responders.
   

• Reassurance, Faith, Family. Of course this is probably the most important step. Reassurance that we get through this; we will meet each challenge as a family and overcome, we can face anything together...This message is not only important now as fear, to some extent, is an underlying emotion of every person's day, but also vital to building the long term, deep moral values we want to instill in them as parents. I want my kids to be friends throughout their lives, visit each other, and support each other long after my husband and I are gone. When all else fails, this family unit will be loyal. There is a deep family value that courses through my soul; I want them to feel that too. This is an opportunity to reinforce that value. Additionally, I think this is a time for even the least religious family to at least recognize a greater force in the universe (read "Life Force" blog) and hope for good things in the future. I believe it is a time to pray, to whatever higher power you believe: To the universe in effort to sway the balance of good karma, to God for hope, forgiveness, love, and blessings, or to the stars for luck - whatever or whoever it is is for you and your family, it's time.

• To Do List. In the spirit of remaining active, building family, and keeping busy during our social distancing, brainstorm together activities that could be done. Our list is a mix of chores, projects we've been wanting to do, and new fun, ideas.

A photo collage of the family, bike ride together, fish, rake leaves, clean out garage, clean out bedrooms and closets, take virtual tours of great places together, make a goal to watch every movie we have on DVD, start a diary or an online blog about current personal experiences and thoughts, walk or play with dogs, plant a garden, rearrange furniture, switch bedrooms, redecorate, build forts, play board or card games, draw/color, do puzzles, read a book - or do a family book study, paint the house or a picture, use equipment that hasn't been used in forever, like the weight bench or punching bag, install the shed, bake, do pottery, take down Christmas lights (or power them up if that's to your liking).

• Special Notes.

Reassurance. Reassurance is not, and really should not be, limited to the last topic for the conversation. Best practice is to sprinkle it throughout the conversation as needed to support the group in the moment. It is wise to end with it as a lasting message of hope, resilience, and love.

Emotions. These can happen anywhere and at any time, so we have to be prepared when they do. Use emotional reactions to gauge how far or how much longer this conversation should go. Breaks can be taken or the dialogue rescheduled for a later time.

Ground Rules. Depending on your family dynamic, it may be helpful to lay some ground rules for this conversation in order to keep the environment safe for all those involved to be free to share and express themselves.

Adaptation. This conversation outline worked for me and my family, given our past experiences and conversations as well as our current ages, maturity levels, and circumstances. Others may not feel comfortable sharing as much as what is listed above or discussing openly some of these topics, or maybe this kind of family meeting or dialogue is so foreign that it's ridiculous to consider. Do as much or as little as deemed appropriate, but for the youth you influence, do it, to some extent at least. Adaptation is necessary for each family; use this as a guide that is altered as needed for each personal situation.

How this conversation is held, where, and to what depth or extend the topics are covered is really irrelevant, but the conversation must occur. Many of the life long traits and values that we want our youth to demonstrate are taught and reinforced by having this conversation.

• Relationships are augmented as kinship is fostered through common feelings.

• Faith in the family unit is strengthened as plans are discussed and reassurance is offered.

• Strong family values are modeled and experienced.

• Resilience and perseverance are both modeled and taught as tough, disappointing, and sad times are endured.

• Healthy expression and processing of emotions are modeled and experienced.

• Character traits, such as caring, fairness, responsibility and safety are enhanced as pandemic response is discussed as a family.

• Abstract terms like hope, faith, and family are nurtured as they are openly and frankly discussed in today's terms.

• A sense of moderation is instilled as the family discusses how to be proactive and prepared without being fanatical and foolish.

• Patriotism and national pride are reinforced as our civic duty is discussed and maintained.

In order to truly nurture our youth and continue to positively impact the future, this conversation must occur; it teaches, models, and reinforces so many things that we desire for them. This conversation may be accomplished only in small parts at a time, and that is okay. Again, what is important is that the dialogue IS occurring and will continue to

throughout the coming weeks. As parents and caregivers, we must be their safe place, and the trusted people on whom they can rely for perspective and guidance. It is our duty and our desire to give them a safe outlet and a way to ground themselves. Let's give them a foundation of hope.